"I am involved in a freedom ride protesting the loss of the minority rights belonging to the
few remaining earthbound stars. All we demanded was our right to twinkle."
- Marilyn Monroe
Sitting at the airport terminal in Cali, Colombia, I'm trying hard to let it go, recognizing that unlike a good Argentinian Malbec, not every part of my trip is going to go down smooth. And yes dear reader, after six months on the road, I'm still shocked by my own naiveté. But is it too much to ask for a little warning when the city that bills itself as the "Salsa Capital of the World" decides to go on vacation.
So there I am in the middle of an abandoned Centro Historico with visions of shimmying in a skimpy, sequin gown straight out of Dancing With the Stars dangling in my head. Only to have it shattered at my two left feet after learning its a three-day weekend and every ones decided they need a break from hip swiveling and left their tourist trap for one the next town over.
Back at the airport, since its the only place open with food and wi-fi, its hard not to feel crappy and unforgiving. But that's what life does, presenting you with these moments your suppose to rise above or put crap into perspective or get you to appreciate things you'd rather take for granted or at the very least whine really, really loudly about. Like my damn salsa lessons with a guapo chico named Rico Gutierrez.
Yes, yes, yes I've learned to go with the flow and be zen through eight hour flight delays and twenty-six hour bus rides, and lost bags and terror provoking border crossings. Wondering if that spilled bottle of aspirins at the bottom of my purse will be taken for drugs by the Narco police. Nothing like being taken to the backroom to make you appreciate things like Miranda rights and one phone call's. That is if the war on terror hasn't stamped out those things in my absence.
With the eye-rolling exasperation of a teenager, its hard not to be disappointed that this and other promised adventures hasn't permeated my being with the purest, sweetest sensation of joy and fulfillment in the known universe, beating back the darkness of anxiety, self-doubt, and dread - you know the whirling chasm of emotional angst that's inside all of us.
Just as the Western world was destined to be disappointed in Obama after his earth-shattering, glorious, hope-fest march to the White House, my present dark, sullen, crappy realization about backpacking shouldn't come as a surprise.
But thanks to a lifetime of being spoon-fed every warm, comforting clichés known to man by an American culture that can't phantom a story without a happy ending, I'm having a hard time swallowing the fact that no matter how exotic the location you can't shake the same restless, depressive, emotionally detached state that followed you around back home. Meaning if your trying to run from your life, its cheaper to just stay home.
No matter where we are in life, at one time or another, your quest to simply get through the day will be replaced by a painful longing for more. The world is full of hope and heartbreak and lukewarm coffee, and speeding tickets, and scratchy contact lenses that don't fit quite right, and canceled salsa classes, and handcuffs and mug shots and you have to do something about it.
Usually, this is the point where I would offer you some positive, carpe diem, Jack Bauer type mantra crap to see you through. But lets go with this instead: Start everyday with the simple reminder that everything will go wrong today.
It will be filled with disappointments and hassles and petty insults and unfair slights and misunderstandings. Knowing this, maybe we should try to enjoy ourselves instead of wanting to hurl a folding chair at someone's head or lie flat on a dirty rug and shriek our heads off.
So go and walk outside and spend the day wandering around in the summertime sunshine. Pick your kid up from day care and take her to the park. Bail on that lunchtime meeting and go to the movies down the block. Get that pedicure, and then have a sandwich and a big glass of iced tea. Stare at the wall or out the airport terminal and let your eyes go unfocused. Knowing that while life may ask these questions of us their are no easy answers.
